According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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