i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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