If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
barbara walters just said penis...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
