11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
