Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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