there's paper in my vomit.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
