your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
