I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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