She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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