Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
