stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And then he peed in my hair
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