everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
