he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
