I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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