Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
