I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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