i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Boobs speak an international language.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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