just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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