If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
