I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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