Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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