thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
