You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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