I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
