meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
