What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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