Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
