Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
