Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
