so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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