I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
