and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
