You smell like a Billy Joel song
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
