We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
