Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
