She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
