im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
