I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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