First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry about my life...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
