you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
