Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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