Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
