was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
