i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
