he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
