so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
