I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
