At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
