We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
