So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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