my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
