Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
