Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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