Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
