life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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