a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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