my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
