A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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