Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
