So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
