It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
