dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
