dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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