Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
