Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
