He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
