We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
