Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
